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What’s in a name? Apparently your future, according to an article titled 13 Surprising Ways Your Name Affects Your Success on Business Insider. As someone who personally loves her name, these facts were rather upsetting.

destiny's child

  1. If your name is easy to pronounce, people will favor you more. // So people don’t like me. That’s cool.
  2. If your name is common, you are more likely to be hired. //  It’s a full-blown miracle that I’m employed.
  3. If your name is uncommon, you are more likely to be a delinquent. // WHY AM I NOT IN JAIL YET?
  4. If you have a white-sounding name, you’re more likely to get hired. // Seriously,  How do I have a job?
  5. If your name is closer to the beginning of the alphabet, you might get into a better school. // So you’re saying I could have be accepted to Yale?
  6. If your last name is closer to the end of the alphabet, you’re more likely to be an impulse spender. // No comment on whether or not this is true…
  7. You are more likely to work in a company that matches your initials. // DEV? There’s a rapper named Dev- Can I work for her?
  8. Using your middle initial makes people think you’re smarter and more competent. // At least I’ve got one of these these things going for me.
  9. If your name sounds noble, you are more likely to work in a high-ranking position. // My boss calls me Princess Dy- Does that count? #Royal
  10. If you are a boy with a girl’s name, you are more likely to be suspended from school. // For beating up the haters?
  11. If you are a woman with a sexually ambiguous name, you are more likely to succeed. // Well…it looks like I’ll be “slumming it” my whole life.  THANKS MOM.
  12. Men with shorter first names are over-represented in the c-suite. // Name your sons Bob, John, and Jack and just wait for them to become CEO. Set fo lyfe.
  13. Women at the top are more likely to use their full names. // Dy sounds a bit morbid. I probably shouldn’t ever shorten my name. So, It looks like I’m headed to the corner office.

So basically, if you are named Dyann Elyse Vamvakas you’re destined to a life of people hating you, impulse spending, red spell-check lines, and unemployment. The struggle is real.


At least I have a cool signature. Maybe one day I’ll make it on this list.

Bahhhhh.

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